A Journal of Going Back to Work

Have you heard? I'm going back to work! Pretty exciting, scary, nerve wracking, etc. Nothing too serious but hopefully something permanent will follow. I am a substitute teacher for ESOL and Social Studies. My goal is to work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and remain home on Thursday and Friday. But they're going to call when they call and I will probably take whatever I can get. Tomorrow is my first day getting calls, so far there have not been any postings online so I'm skeptical for any calls tomorrow. The girls seem ok with the prospect of going to the place where they'll be cared for. I'm most worried about the days when Fiona will have a full day there while Luli is half day at school and half day at the place they are being cared for. Of course them seeming ok while talking about it and being ok when it actually happens could be two different stories. So we'll see.

Personally, I feel ready to go back to work. I love teaching, and frankly I'm a good teacher. I do really look forward to having my own room, my own students and really developing the lessons I'll use. I look forward to being a part of an adult professional world again. And I really look forward to a bit more flexibility in my bank account. And having two incomes will certainly be a nice addition to the family.

I have loved being home with the girls. I have seen everything they've put out there to be seen. I've been with them for their first rolling over, their first crawl, their first unassisted sit, their first teeth, their first steps, their first cuts, their first fights, their first friends, their first days of preschool. I've been there for everything and there isn't anything I would change about any of that.

Of course the past few weeks getting ready for this big change has been emotional at times. I think about the parktime with friends that we'll miss, playdates that we'll miss, cuddles that will have to wait till I get home, thinking about someone else telling me an amazing story about my own child that I didn't witness makes me sad. But these are all things that are going to happen if I go back to work tomorrow, or when they leave for college. There are a ton of things I'll miss about being a stay at home mom, but there are a ton of things I'm so excited for ME and working. It's been a long time since part of the day was about ME, my work, what makes me a professional, something that is Jennifer the teacher, not Jenn, not Mom, not wife....something that I do, on my own and that I'm GOOD at.

So here's hoping I get a call tomorrow!